Politik: South Carolina GOP Primary, it’s a party!

Ha. Photo via CNN
Ha. Photo via CNN

Here we go again. Another hilarious attempt at trying to be president. So cute. Here are the boyz at the South Carolina GOP primary debate.

Vote for Leslie Knope
Vote for Leslie Knope

None of these people will be prez. I don’t have much beef against Ron Paul, at least he’s not a carbon copy of every GOP candidate like, ever. However, the others are a delightful santorum sundae, no? Gingrich is a hypocrite, Mitt Romney probably doesn’t even know who Nicki Minaj is, let alone our beloved Lady Gaga. That dude is out of touch. And Santorum, well… just no.

Can’t Leslie Knope just run for President? If she cared about all of us the way she cares about Pawnee, we could be great again people. Plus, Ron Swanson would probably be Vice-President. OMFG. All the meat-loving, gun-toters will love the VP, and Knope will get some serious things done for the good of humanity. Only in our dreams. And maybe the future 10th season series finale.

I’m not even stressed out or worried about the upcoming election. I don’t think anyone is, really. The republican vs. democrat platform is cracking, slowly but surely. All the lies about their personal lives and getting caught soliciting gay sex in bathrooms while you’re married is just so, so sad. Be gay. It’s ok. It’s normal.

Dearest hardcore, old, angry republicans,

I wish you would just relax. You always seem really upset, about which I have no idea. First world problems are tough, I know. But you can get through this. Yo, just take a hot bath, figure out your life and ponder why you are sometimes meanies and hate people for weak reasons. Go to India or something. Thailand would work too. Let us know if pad thai tastes the same, ok? Send a postcard too.

xoxo 20poorandfabulous + the rest of human beings

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