Celebrité: Alec Baldwin has a French-Canadian stalker. That’s it, everything’s been done.

I love celebrity stalkers. As I sit here trying to define what a stalker really is, I land on this:

Thanks, internet, you punk.

Anyways, Alec Baldwin has a French-Canadian actress stalking him. My first though was “what a strange nationality to be a stalker.” Normally it’s some hairy person from New Jersey or an astronaut lady wearing a diaper so she can drive cross country without stopping. How does one go from “Hello, nice to meet you” to “I’m getting a restraining order. You’ve gone through my trash for a week now. I’m calling the police.“?

"Girl, you cray." -Alec Baldwin. Image via foxnews.com

Stalkers can come in four flavors: Rejected Stalker, Resentful Stalker, Intimacy Seeker, Incompetent Suitor and Predatory. If  had to choose a stalker, I’d choose Rejected. They’re the ones like an ex-husband that won’t leave you alone, as opposed to Predatory where they’ll probably cut your face off and try it on in the mirror.

I realize stalkers are no joke. However, I find it hilarious that people actually stalk. It’s more like just sheer determination to not take very obvious hints. I’m sure they don’t think they’re being a stalker, otherwise they probably wouldn’t do it if they had that realization.

I’d chalk it up to “pretty famous” as the reason for your stalker, Alec. It happens to the best of ’em. I too hope that one day I have a harmless stalker. That means you’ve really made it.

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