Artiste, Celebrité, Music

Music: New Order live and my problems with live electronic music

First of all, New Order is one of my favorite and most influential bands of all time. I’m an electro-pop artist (Dennis) and a DJ, and “Bizarre Love Triangle” is one of my favorite songs of all time. ALL TIME. This song is fucking beautiful. This band is fucking beautiful. BUT.

As an an electronic artist myself, it is incredibly difficult to translate the emotion and excitement of electronic music into a live performance setting. As I watched New Order perform one of my fave songs on Jimmy Kimmel Live, I was completely underwhelmed and saddened due to the lack of electronic musical stage translation. New-Order-256e4

I think the lead singer, Bernard Summer, was great vocally; he sounded just like the record did nearly 30 years ago. However, the guy standing in the back of stage perhaps playing a drum machine is the reason this performance wasn’t as good as it could have been. Plus these people are old now. There is something so hard about watching old rock bands perform. I really hate to say it and even admit it to you and myself because these bands are idyllic. But their bodies have grown old. So much of being an alluring artist is a sexual appeal of some sort. Their spirit has changed too. Not worse or better, but different, which naturally causes their performance art to change.

(But then again you can watch modern day Stevie Nicks perform and she still has the passion necessary to keep an audience interested. It’s all a crapshoot.)

I’m not sure how many live DJ sets any of you readers (thank you for reading, i heart you so much) have ever been to. But they are fucking BO-RING. This has nothing to do with the fact that many DJs are SUPER talented DJs and know how to mix some insane, genius-level beats. It has to do with live show translation: it is simply not exciting as an audience member to watch anyone push buttons. (Exception: DJs mixing and pressing buttons for a dance room setting. As openers for other bands DJs tend to always run stale because nobody is drunk and dancing to openers, especially if the set is lacking visual excitement)

This is where electronic bands get into trouble. A drum machine is awesome, but you can’t FEEL a drum machine like you can feel a live drum kit. It gives the audience a mandatory heart beat to the pulse of your music that can’t be recreated through speakers.

Demands of the Modern Audience

Having been to a ton of shows throughout my life and most recently in the Minneapolis area, stage performance is a big part of why many shows are so underwhelming. Where is the creative lighting? Projectors of slideshows put together by the band to represent their aesthetic and therefore their performance art? Anything to keep the audience intrigued?

I don’t know if many artists have gotten the memo, but consumers/audiences are demanding as fuck in this modern age. They want all their senses taken care of. Being a musician isn’t just about making music anymore. You’ve got to give the audience something good to look at, something to feel, something to be, something to strive for. ladygaga-1

Why do you think pop stars dress so wild? That’s how they get attention. Being successful is about how much attention you’re getting. Good, bad; it doesn’t matter. And if that means you have to wear a piece of shit on your face so all the blogs are linking back to poor style choice *AND* your song, so be it. That’s how you get famous. That’s the world we live in now, and it’s not changing anytime soon.

Consumers want to be sold a lifestyle (Ke$ha, The Strokes, Lil Wayne, LMFAO etc.), and if your band- new or old- isn’t able to sell that, then sorry! That’s why you see so many pop stars and celebrities selling fragrances or clothing lines (not to mention the fact that music doesn’t make nearly the kind of money it used to): it’s all about the lifestyle brand. Buy this and be like this person. Buy this and you will be accepted by this group of society. Maybe it sucks, but whatever. That’s life. That’s entertainment. A lot of things suck more than pop artists slingin’ perfume. Its the most cliché shit ever, but LEARN THE FUCKING GAME ALREADY. *drops keyboard and walks off stage*

 

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Celebrité, Wish List

My undying wish for a hipster 2010s boy band

Remember when that was our world? God, the MOVES! The video! The poppy goodness! Pre-9/11 and pre-recession splendor. Also, 8th grade.

I wish boy bands would come back, but none of this shit like Perez Hilton is trying to pull off. He’s starting a boy band cringingly called IM5. All those guys are short and look 9 years old, but are actually between 14 and 16. PUKE! Money hungry Perez, that is low. Trying to milk money from 5 Beiber-like kids, that will never ever be as famous as Beiber because kids these days are assholes and wouldn’t like anything lame like a band called IM5. We saw what happened with poor O-Town. Pasted together out of nowhere, then a year later they were working as gardeners. Yikes.

You could be on the cover of Rolling Stone. You know you want it. Image via professionalfangirl.com

What I really want is to see some fucking dude-dudes just dancing and singing melodically together. like, 20-25 range, maybe a spry 29, who look manly. Gay, straight, whatevs. Just cool guys with a penchant for song and dance who own it, love it, flaunt it, work it. Anything can be done with confidence and your friend on garageband.

If only a bunch of hipster, regular guys with stellar moves and great voices would hang out together and birth the next boy band over PBRs, plaid shirts and Parliaments. You could wear whatever you wanted, get groupie love and have so much money. Wouldn’t dancing and singing be a lot better than anything you’re doing now?!

And really, it’s not lame at all. Girls go APE SHIT over hot men dancing and singing to them. Like, hundreds of dollars on tickets and merchandise type of ape shit. Tears all over their faces and finger nails ready to gather pop boy skin for their shrine. But that’s true of any star really. You get the point.

BOYS/MEN: I’ve got it figured out. You could be called FU. People will get confused and call you “Foo.” They’ll say “what’s this Foo nonsense?” Then you’ll do a clubby, dance hit with RedFoo from LMFAO called “Eff You” and people will get it and you will be stars. Done!

The world is waiting for you fuckers. Stop playing Halo and get on that Kinect dancing game so we can dance to your sweet grooves and make you millionaires.

Some Boy Band Inspiration, Gentlemen.

New Kids On The Block are the coolest ones. There’s a Wahlberg! Maybe all you need is a Wahlberg. But seriously, their outfits look awesome, not all futuristically weird like NSYNC and Backstreet went. They look like modern day hipsters. I would wear every single one of their outfits. I’ve never had that sentiment with any boy band. This is what I’m getting at. All of the NKOTB can dance sooooooooooooo well and they sing amazingly. Watch some of their live performances when they were young. They are BOMB.

Ok JT isn’t a boy band, but he’s a-singing and dancing and I MISS HOT BOYS DOING THIS. Produced by the Neptunes too. Justin is so talented. I’m going to cry when he comes back to music. This would be one sick, sad world if he didn’t.

5ive. The Brits!

Backstreet’s Back, Alright!! You could make goofy videos. Flaunt the film buff inside of you. Hmmm?

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