Celebrité, Music

Justin Timberlake’s ragtime “Sexyback” is fucking great

2690069-justin-timberlake-2013-suite-tie-617-409 JUSTIN TIMBERWEEK ON JIMMY FALLON RAGTIME “SEXYBACK”

Justin Timberlake is such a great performer. Everyone likes him so much. I’m just so proud of him for getting out of the rut it is to be in a defunct boy band. I mean, look at all the other boy bands of his era and before. Justin is the only really successful one with music, seeing as JC Chasez, with his holy-shit VOICE, kinda fucked his career over by writing/choosing terrible fucking songs.

I don’t even know what the fuck the boys of 98 Degrees are up to, and who cares. Nick Lachey just recorded some lullabys bc he had a kid with former MTV VJ Vanessa Manilo (who are his adult fans lol?! Seems like a decent chap but blegh, boring). And no one in the Backstreet Boys had any kind of a majorly successful solo career seeing as they are on tour with NKOTB and maybe some other people. THAT IS 10 MEN WHO SING. What a weird backstage probably.

Anyways, JT is awesome. I love his artistic self-worth (not putting out an album just because he could) and his dedication to performing, whether it’s on a stage singing or in his movie career. He’s a true performer and artist who is dedicated to authenticity, which is something you don’t see as much on the mainstream stage. Maybe his dedication to authentic music stems from his teens and early twenties in a boy band where everything was chosen for him by a bunch of gross, overweight suits in a tall, scary building somewhere.

JT, WE LOVE YOU. I can’t wait to see the rest of his Justin Timberweek performances on Jimmy Fallon. I’m holding out for “Like I Love You” cuz I really want him to do the dance from it. And bring back the stage from his first solo MTV performance in 2002. EEEEEP!! 2013 is so ballin’. It’s like 2003 all over again.

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Music

3 reactions I’ve heard about Justin Timberlake’s new single “Suit and Tie”

They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com

They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com

My friend Mark

My friend Mark texted me this morning, “This new JT is absolutely bangin!!!!! Hooooly shit. Sooo sophisticated.”

Perez Hilton is a JAG/rant about how much I do not like Perez Hilton

Sometimes, when I’m extremely bored and desperate for something mediocre to hate on, I visit perezhilton.com. A once veritable watering hole for bored teens/young adults is now a really dried up turd barely worth being called celebrity gossip (we all know you’re sucking up to everyone in Hollywood for professional gain and it is SO BORING). Anyways, I saw Perez’s opinion of Justin Timberlake‘s new song:

Image via Twitter

Image via Twitter

I mean, Perez Hilton’s entire being is steeped in everyone hating everything he says and does. So I’m not surprised that his shitty opinion of Justin Timberlake’s new song “Suit and Tie” infuriates me. I hate when artists get shit for not being EXACTLY like what already exists. That’s not innovative or interesting or exciting. That’s some un-creative, pop music fascism, Perez! Open up your world to different sounds other than ham farts and old phone messages from when Lady Gaga was using you for fame. #truthbomb

Me

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE RELEASED NEW MUSIC. AN ALBUM OF SONGS FROM ONE OF AMERICA’S FAVORITE ARTISTS WILL BE RELEASED THIS YEAR. THIS IS EXCITING. I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND TIMBALAND, AND CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR THE BODY OF WORK THEY HAVE PRODUCED. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Consensus

The new song rox, JT rox, and all the sane, non-idiot, non-buttworms are into it. Not just because it’s JT (but mostly am I right?!), but because that shit is fresh and genuine and so desperately needed in mainstream pop music right now.

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Celebrité, Music

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE RELEASING NEW MUSIC, HOPE RESTORED TO HUMANITY

I am brimming with emotions. Image via collider.com

I am brimming with emotions. Image via collider.com

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A MOTHERBOARD. I can’t believe this is real. I can barely type fast enough. I’m so sososososo excited!!!!

Watch his explanation video here of why it took him so long to release a new album. Short version- he cares so much about music and  he wanted to wait until the feeling was right about it to release something. It’s a lot more poignant and heartfelt in the video. And kudos to his team and friends for not leaking ANY of this to the press beforehand. When he tweeted this cryptic message last night:

Set an alarm bitches. Image via twitter

Set an alarm bitches. Image via twitter

that’s only when everyone started to heavily assume it was new music. But, after 6 years of hoping for a new album from one of our most beloved performers, we finally got the reprieve we have been waiting for all these years.

I have so many emotions on this Thursday morning. There is hope again in a once bleak and scary world. There is love where there once was nothing. There is an end in sight to the years of darkness that surrounded us all. Our Prince of Pop has returned. Welcome Back Sir. We’ve missed you more than can be conveyed in words or screams or ritual killings.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS MUTHAFUCKIN’ BACK. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU UNIVERSE.

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Music

No wonder Justin Timberlake is scarred from making music ever again

This version of “I Want You Back” was obviously never released in America. It explains everything.

PS: I will cut a bitch who says this isn’t one of the best vocal groups of our modern age, even if they do have crazy terrible millennium-euro-dance videos. HOLLA JC.

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Celebrité, Music

Foiled yet again! Justin Timberlake NOT releasing new album

Instead of making music, Justin is playing pretend in Ken wigs in his backyard. Or something. Image via justjared.com

Just like the sands of time, rumors of a new Justin Timberlake album have resurfaced into our lives. And, just like disappointing fellatio, JT takes any hope of musical cunnilingus out of our dry, tired hands.

Come on, JT. Give the people what they want. Cornrows, amazing costumes and Timbaland-produced beats. With every passing year, the pressure and excitement grows. Which is probably annoying for him, and definitely excruciating for us. It’s like a boner that won’t ever stop, and won’t ever see a beautiful, majestic release.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JT. Do it for all the boners in America. We are dying.

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Celebrité, Music

So Justin Timberlake is doing this now

This is just too funny. I can’t wait to see this movie. Image via laineygossip.com

I love JT so much. Really. But no.

I actually can’t tell what it is about the hair that shocks me so much. Is it that I’ve never seen him with Ken doll hair before? IS it the side part? What about the sideswept bang? Or the color?

There are just too many shocking things about his hair right now. He’s filming Runner, Runner in Puerto Rico. Maybe that’s why he’s been tweeting so much.

But for real, this is what imdb has to say about the movie:

“A businessman is caught up in the world of offshore online gaming.”

GTFO!

Oh JT. PLEASE. COME BACK TO MUSIC. WE BEG. WE WILL EVEN PAY FOR THE ALBUM, I SWEAR.

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