Tag Archives: celebrities

Music: New Order live and my problems with live electronic music

18 Apr

First of all, New Order is one of my favorite and most influential bands of all time. I’m an electro-pop artist (Dennis) and a DJ, and “Bizarre Love Triangle” is one of my favorite songs of all time. ALL TIME. This song is fucking beautiful. This band is fucking beautiful. BUT.

As an an electronic artist myself, it is incredibly difficult to translate the emotion and excitement of electronic music into a live performance setting. As I watched New Order perform one of my fave songs on Jimmy Kimmel Live, I was completely underwhelmed and saddened due to the lack of electronic musical stage translation. New-Order-256e4

I think the lead singer, Bernard Summer, was great vocally; he sounded just like the record did nearly 30 years ago. However, the guy standing in the back of stage perhaps playing a drum machine is the reason this performance wasn’t as good as it could have been. Plus these people are old now. There is something so hard about watching old rock bands perform. I really hate to say it and even admit it to you and myself because these bands are idyllic. But their bodies have grown old. So much of being an alluring artist is a sexual appeal of some sort. Their spirit has changed too. Not worse or better, but different, which naturally causes their performance art to change.

(But then again you can watch modern day Stevie Nicks perform and she still has the passion necessary to keep an audience interested. It’s all a crapshoot.)

I’m not sure how many live DJ sets any of you readers (thank you for reading, i heart you so much) have ever been to. But they are fucking BO-RING. This has nothing to do with the fact that many DJs are SUPER talented DJs and know how to mix some insane, genius-level beats. It has to do with live show translation: it is simply not exciting as an audience member to watch anyone push buttons. (Exception: DJs mixing and pressing buttons for a dance room setting. As openers for other bands DJs tend to always run stale because nobody is drunk and dancing to openers, especially if the set is lacking visual excitement)

This is where electronic bands get into trouble. A drum machine is awesome, but you can’t FEEL a drum machine like you can feel a live drum kit. It gives the audience a mandatory heart beat to the pulse of your music that can’t be recreated through speakers.

Demands of the Modern Audience

Having been to a ton of shows throughout my life and most recently in the Minneapolis area, stage performance is a big part of why many shows are so underwhelming. Where is the creative lighting? Projectors of slideshows put together by the band to represent their aesthetic and therefore their performance art? Anything to keep the audience intrigued?

I don’t know if many artists have gotten the memo, but consumers/audiences are demanding as fuck in this modern age. They want all their senses taken care of. Being a musician isn’t just about making music anymore. You’ve got to give the audience something good to look at, something to feel, something to be, something to strive for. ladygaga-1

Why do you think pop stars dress so wild? That’s how they get attention. Being successful is about how much attention you’re getting. Good, bad; it doesn’t matter. And if that means you have to wear a piece of shit on your face so all the blogs are linking back to poor style choice *AND* your song, so be it. That’s how you get famous. That’s the world we live in now, and it’s not changing anytime soon.

Consumers want to be sold a lifestyle (Ke$ha, The Strokes, Lil Wayne, LMFAO etc.), and if your band- new or old- isn’t able to sell that, then sorry! That’s why you see so many pop stars and celebrities selling fragrances or clothing lines (not to mention the fact that music doesn’t make nearly the kind of money it used to): it’s all about the lifestyle brand. Buy this and be like this person. Buy this and you will be accepted by this group of society. Maybe it sucks, but whatever. That’s life. That’s entertainment. A lot of things suck more than pop artists slingin’ perfume. Its the most cliché shit ever, but LEARN THE FUCKING GAME ALREADY. *drops keyboard and walks off stage*

 

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Hit Miss Mess: 2013 MTV Movie Awards

14 Apr

EW. Holy shit. The 2013 MTV Movie Awards were not a great compilation of fashion this year. Not to mention the fact that I know I’m getting older, but who the fuck are most of the people on the red carpet?! My guess would  be B-list “teen” celebs from MTV original shows (lol) and the CW.

Hit

Taylor Hanson

Legit, the only person I say who looked amazing head to toe. He’s so fucking handsome. And you can also tell he’s not a total piece of shit because he A) dresses himself and has great personal style or B) has enough brains to have a stylist. A+ Taylor!

Taylor Hanson

Miss

Macklemore

Okay. So, if Macklemore is going the pop artist route in mainstream society, then I owe him a congratulations. He wore something weird that will get the media talking. If I may deconstruct the outfit a bit, it feels as if the black tie and shirt underneath the blue suit is kind of grounding him, or serving as a reminder that he’s a “regular guy” with an eccentric shell. The cape is kinda fun, the hair has a style and shape, and he doesn’t look like a total hot mess. The shoes are horrid though.

I feel for men because there aren’t a lot of options or opportunities to be really creative with fashion without looking like a jag. He gets a B+ for effort.

enhanced-buzz-7983-1365984747-7

Mess

Hayley Williams

She is definitely a cute bitch. Her hair looks fun and she’s got a pretty smile. But overalls are not okay. EVER. And oh lord, that bag. Is it underwear? Is she carrying lipgloss inside of theoretical old butt stains around on a red carpet? Honey, no.

enhanced-buzz-32669-1365984720-5

Honorable Mess

Hana Mae Lee

What the fuck is that? OH! It’s a cigarette butt. Cuz people should PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!! stop smoking? Woulda been a cute look otherwise, but then nobody would be talking about it or her. Clever publicist, but stupid, stupid outfit.

enhanced-buzz-8709-1365984728-11

Justin Timberlake’s ragtime “Sexyback” is fucking great

13 Mar

2690069-justin-timberlake-2013-suite-tie-617-409 JUSTIN TIMBERWEEK ON JIMMY FALLON RAGTIME “SEXYBACK”

Justin Timberlake is such a great performer. Everyone likes him so much. I’m just so proud of him for getting out of the rut it is to be in a defunct boy band. I mean, look at all the other boy bands of his era and before. Justin is the only really successful one with music, seeing as JC Chasez, with his holy-shit VOICE, kinda fucked his career over by writing/choosing terrible fucking songs.

I don’t even know what the fuck the boys of 98 Degrees are up to, and who cares. Nick Lachey just recorded some lullabys bc he had a kid with former MTV VJ Vanessa Manilo (who are his adult fans lol?! Seems like a decent chap but blegh, boring). And no one in the Backstreet Boys had any kind of a majorly successful solo career seeing as they are on tour with NKOTB and maybe some other people. THAT IS 10 MEN WHO SING. What a weird backstage probably.

Anyways, JT is awesome. I love his artistic self-worth (not putting out an album just because he could) and his dedication to performing, whether it’s on a stage singing or in his movie career. He’s a true performer and artist who is dedicated to authenticity, which is something you don’t see as much on the mainstream stage. Maybe his dedication to authentic music stems from his teens and early twenties in a boy band where everything was chosen for him by a bunch of gross, overweight suits in a tall, scary building somewhere.

JT, WE LOVE YOU. I can’t wait to see the rest of his Justin Timberweek performances on Jimmy Fallon. I’m holding out for “Like I Love You” cuz I really want him to do the dance from it. And bring back the stage from his first solo MTV performance in 2002. EEEEEP!! 2013 is so ballin’. It’s like 2003 all over again.

Hit Miss Mess: Oscars Fashion 2013

25 Feb

OSCARS 2013

People-wise I loved: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lawrence, Shirley, Adele, Hugh Jackman, Bobby Deniro, and J HUD.

Fashion-wise: WHAT WERE YOU PEOPLE THINKING.

I’ve gotta say, Oscars fashion totally disappointed me this year. I was not really impressed with anybody’s total look. Which sucks, because it’s so fun to love the glamourous outfits of the uber riche and talented. But alas, if you have to choose, you have to choose. Here are my hits, misses and MESSES (THERE’S A LOT OF MESS).

Hit

Sally Field

I think Sally Field had the best look of the night. I don’t even want to say “for her age” but I feel like I have to because it’s part of why I think she is best dressed. The entire dress has an interesting part that compliments her body shape while giving us something interesting to look at. I especially like where all the fabric meets at the waist. It’s such a cool focal point. Plus, the color is vibrant but not too in your face.

Her hair is done up, but not in a “I’m an old lady” fashion like Meryl Streep does (come ON meryl, you are hot as fuck. get some rad hair styles goin on!) Her bangs are chill, the updo is loose, makeup is light but good. All together, the best look of the night.

Love it. Image via the huffington post

Love it. Image via the huffington post

Renee Zellweger

Yeah she’s got a cray cray face sometimes. But she looks fucking GOOD in this dress. Sadly I think it’s the most fun dress of the night.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Jennifer Hudson

J Hud’s look is good. The dress is interesting and her hair, pose and makeup all looks great together.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Daniel Radcliffe

He looks great. Hair looks real, not a fuckton of foundation to sweat through. Well done.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Naomi Watts

Rad.

naomi watts

Image via buzzfeed

Charlize Theron

She’s just cool as fuck.

charlize theron

Image via buzzfeed

Hugh Jackman

Because he rocks.

hugh jackman

Image via buzzfeed

Robert Deniro

ITS BOBBY DENIRO. NUFF SAID.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Miss

Nicole Kidman

I like, don’t love. It’s cool but it’s really fucking shiny and not really fitting with her public persona. I did like when she twice critiqued the shitty producers of this years show. Once for heavily cutting off a guy who was clearly not finished with his speech by mouthing her disappointment, and once when she was presenting and they were trying to rush the crowd’s applause. Surprisingly, she wins in personality!

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Norah Jones

Good fucking lord! The hair! WHAT was she thinking? NO. Never, ever wear your hair like this. Anyone.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Kelly Rowland

At first you’re like “Fuck yeah, Kelly Rowland is at the Oscars!” And then you’re like “Wait, that is some ugly dress.” What a horrible dress. She’s young and pretty enough to not look like a total mess in a bomb like this, so kudos to her. But ICK!

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Mess

Kristen Stewart

Oh dear lord. I am totally biased because I don’t like her very much. But good god, put a fucking comb through your hair if you’re going to be on tv. It’s so basic. Like, no effort. The dress kind of looks like vertical layers of a wedding cake. BO-RING. And the dark circles under her eyes… what, was she been sniffing undies all morning and didn’t have time? Get it together gurl. You can do better than this. CARE ABOUT SOMETHING. FEEL.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Helena Bonham-Carter

Did your mother teach you to stand like that? Jesus Christ! You know it’s no shock that she dressed like this. If she ever ends up on a best dress list, she’s having a stroke and should be immediately taken to urgent care. But come on, the dead arms, the smirk, the dress and jewelry you found in a box in the basement of Deb headquarters? Not working and totally predictable.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Quvenzhane Wallis

Just because she’s a kid doesn’t mean she has to dress like the child of an overbearing 80′s parent on prom night. There are cute, stylish and tasteful clothes for kids out there. Someone get her a stylist so her star can soar. This outfit ain’t gonna get an endorsement deals! Cute puppy bag though, and the arm pumps were awesome. Take that, elementary schoolers!

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

Helen Hunt

GET A STEAMER.

Image via buzzfeed

Image via buzzfeed

On the fence: Justin Bieber

21 Jan
Whoa. Image via fanpop.com

Whoa. Image via fanpop.com

Justin Bieber.

Yes, growing up in the spotlight is difficult. He was supposed to be the modern-day Canadian equivalent to the humble, funny and talented Justin Timberlake. However, in recent months, Bieber has shown us just how fussy and annying a super-famous-mega-star baby of 18 years old can really be. Let’s examine what’s going on in the Bieberverse. (Is that a thing? I hate myself for writing that)

The Evidence

He accepted an award for Favorite Pop/Male Artist at the 2012 American Music Awards and dedicated it to”all the haters” which is SO LAME. Come on dude. No. -2

His music is fun. Don’t lie to yourself! Beauty and a Beat is a hella jam (Max Martin produced, so obvi!) Plus, he directed the video which is a really fun and well directed video. +5

ugh, teens. Image via idolator.com

ugh, teens. Image via idolator.com

He met the Canadian Prime Minister in an outfit best described as farm-douche chic. It’s not like their should be some fascist regime when it comes to style and meeting any head of state. It’s just super annoying. Eye roll! -2

He got mad at James Franco (who gets mad at James Franco? WTF?) for making a parody video of his song “Boyfriend”. The parody vid wasn’t even rude or anything, it was hilarious. Not having a sense of humor about your boy-toy status in the pop music industry? Self-awareness goes a long in H-wood Biebs. Get some. -3

Usher likes him. That’s cool, I guess? 0

Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift probably talk SO much shit about him. It would be scary to have those two against you, especially T-Swift. +2

His back story is amazing. I never finished his documentary, but watching him drum as a little kid proves that he was born with a natural talent for music. And his mom got it on tape! +5

His instagram is ridiculous. Body shots, selfies and now buttcrack. He’s like your friend’s gross little brother who farts in his hand and then throws it at you. Why are you showing your fanbase, KIDS AND TEENS AND QUESTIONABLE ADULTS, your buttcrack? Mooning is so 1983. Over! -1

He took his Grammy snubs alright, saying that “It’ll happen one day”. His manager was pissed though, saying on Twitter that ”I just plain DISAGREE. The kid deserved it. Grammy board u blew it on this one.” Just be happy you have a job, you jags!!! -1

The Score

3

This is all I know about Justin Bieber. I think his music is fun, but his personality could use some growing up. Granted, he is still a teen and there is much needed time and room to grow. If we all had cameras following us and listening to our stupid teen opinions, we’d look like shitheads too. But come on! someone get him a decent PR adviser! It’s BEYOND time for that.

Image via daydreamstars.blogspot.com

Image via daydreamstars.blogspot.com

3 reactions I’ve heard about Justin Timberlake’s new single “Suit and Tie”

14 Jan
They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com

They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com

My friend Mark

My friend Mark texted me this morning, “This new JT is absolutely bangin!!!!! Hooooly shit. Sooo sophisticated.”

Perez Hilton is a JAG/rant about how much I do not like Perez Hilton

Sometimes, when I’m extremely bored and desperate for something mediocre to hate on, I visit perezhilton.com. A once veritable watering hole for bored teens/young adults is now a really dried up turd barely worth being called celebrity gossip (we all know you’re sucking up to everyone in Hollywood for professional gain and it is SO BORING). Anyways, I saw Perez’s opinion of Justin Timberlake‘s new song:

Image via Twitter

Image via Twitter

I mean, Perez Hilton’s entire being is steeped in everyone hating everything he says and does. So I’m not surprised that his shitty opinion of Justin Timberlake’s new song “Suit and Tie” infuriates me. I hate when artists get shit for not being EXACTLY like what already exists. That’s not innovative or interesting or exciting. That’s some un-creative, pop music fascism, Perez! Open up your world to different sounds other than ham farts and old phone messages from when Lady Gaga was using you for fame. #truthbomb

Me

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE RELEASED NEW MUSIC. AN ALBUM OF SONGS FROM ONE OF AMERICA’S FAVORITE ARTISTS WILL BE RELEASED THIS YEAR. THIS IS EXCITING. I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND TIMBALAND, AND CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR THE BODY OF WORK THEY HAVE PRODUCED. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Consensus

The new song rox, JT rox, and all the sane, non-idiot, non-buttworms are into it. Not just because it’s JT (but mostly am I right?!), but because that shit is fresh and genuine and so desperately needed in mainstream pop music right now.

Taylor Swift is single again, another day has its dawn

9 Jan
taylor swift

Single again! Oh joy. Image via newnownext.com

Just like the sands of time, Taylor Swift finds herself without an 18-year-old boy to hug at nigh-nigh time. Here are my thoughts:

A) Why is Taylor Swift dating 18-year-olds?

I can barely masturbate to anyone my age, let alone ACTUALLY DATE THEM. And seriously, an 18 year-old? What the fuck does he have going on besides having been world famous for a minute? Sure, he’s got that confusing, side-swept hair ‘n bang combo that makes tweens excited in a really uncomfortable way. And maybe he has some money now, but if my exact and unfaltering recollection of boy band money managements past are any indication, I know that young Harry probably doesn’t have THAT much cash floating around. There’s also charm, but homeless guys on the bus can also be charming so that’s null and void.

B) Why does she always have a boyfriend?

SLOW THE FUCK DOWN T SWIFT Image via graziadaily.co.uk

SLOW THE FUCK DOWN T SWIFT Image via graziadaily.co.uk

Girlfriend needs to take some HER TIME. Stop dating anyone who looks kinda cute and is kinda famous. There are plenty of kinda cute boys to ruin your day when you get older. There’s no need to rush it! Hasn’t she seen every episode of Sex and the City? Love and relationship anguish literally never ends unless you’re lobotomized or in a coma 4ever.

Maybe it’s super lonely being that famous. And sadly it kind of seems like she never had a lot of friends growing up either. But the reason I like being single so much is because I have AMAZING friends. Maybe she should work on forming strong and true friendships this year instead of jumping on every cute celebrity who says they like her Max Martin-produced songs.

C) This may be why she gets dumped a lot

Harry Styles was reported as saying that during their Carribean fight, T-Swift proclaimed “You’re lucky to even be with me.” Whoa, bitch. That is uncalled for. Definitely some ego that NEEDS to be checked. Don’t say that, not to anyone, ever! You are one human being who just happened to become famous by writing songs about failed high school relationships. So what, we’ve all written angsty poems about our high school loves gone wrong. You are successful, but you are not a god. Don’t say shit like that.

I’m not picking sides here and I really don’t even want to defend Harry Styles because I like Taylor Swift’s latest album, but what EXACTLY is lucky about being with Taylor Swift? That once the inevitable break up happens, she’s gonna totally shit on you in an amazing song? Or that everywhere you go, paparazzi are following the both of you? Or maybe it’s the stupid celebrity couple name that need to die in a sick a twisted death that haunts him in his dreams? Haylor. HAYLOR. HUG ME HAYLOR I’M RIGHT HERE BREATHING MOISTLY ON YOUR EYE LID. 

They were cute. RIP suckaz. Image via andpop.com

They were cute. RIP suckaz. Image via andpop.com

Taylor: please, slow down. Be by yourself. It can be beautiful. Being alone is not sad. It’s fucking awesome. Pizza rolls? Anytime baby. Take a look into what you REALLY want in a partner, and not into their celebrity status or what kind of song you’ll get out of holding hands with someone you think doesn’t deserve to be with you. That’s kinda insane, girl. Get it together!

James Franco is the best ever: makes a Justin Bieber video

8 Jan

 

What the fuck! This is awesome. I wanna hang out with this guy and just MAKE stuff. It wouldn’t even matter if it was just paper cutouts of snowflakes that we pasted Ashley Olsen/Michelle Tanner’s face on and called them “Snow Rudes” or something. Oh wait that’s the middle sister Stephanie’s line, right? Who cares.

Liz and Dick was exactly what you’d expect

2 Dec
Image via goldderby.com

Image via goldderby.com

Oh dear. By now you’ve either read all the horrible reviews of Liz and Dick, or you’ve actually seen the movie and know what’s what. Well, here are my thoughts.

  1. Lindsay Lohan was either playing a present-day version of Liz Taylor, or a 60s version of Lindsay Lohan.
  2. The guy who played Dick is WAAAAY too fucking old! Why would they pick him to be Richard Burton? I might have believed Aaron Carter more.
  3. The costumes were fucking AWESOME. At least Lindsay Lohan had some sweet fucking threads to wear. She definitely looked better in this movie than she does in any paparazzi shot, even with the cheek implants!
  4. Creed from The Office is in this movie. Also, Miranda’s boyfriend/baby daddy from Sex and the City. They do Lifetime
    Image via eonline.com

    The smoking scenes in the movie were the moments when Linds really shined. Image via eonline.com

    movies too!

  5. I’m not sure Lindsay’s shoddy performance was ENTIRELY her fault. The entire breaking-down-the-fourth-wall flashes where Liz and Dick were speaking directly to the audience was SUCH a horrible call. What kind of good director would EVER think that’s a good idea? I thought somebody decided that nobody likes breaking the fourth wall? I know I hate it. WE WANT TO BELIEVE DAMMIT!
  6. Granted, we were trying to play the Liz and Dick drinking game, so memories of most of the movie get fuzzy. But the story seemed hard to follow regardless with all the scene jumping and bad wigs.
  7. Lindsay really looked at home whenever she had a cigarette in her hands or a bottle of vodka to pull from. Method acting/her IRL behavior.

It is starting to feel gross making fun of Lindsay Lohan. This was the best she could do, and a pretty accurate view of why she was even filming a Lifetime movie in the first place. However, it is crucial to note that an equal amount of blame for this bad Lifetime movie should fall on the writers, producers and director. Regardless of the actors, Liz and Dick is a steaming pile all on its own without Lindsay’s wobbly star power to reel in the ratings.

Sidenote: gross, Danielle Fishel. Topanga has suddenly found her star reignited, so she made a spoof of Lindsay’s Liz on The Soup. It’s almost like making fun of Britney post head-shaving. Not cool bitch. Nobody was thinking of you a week ago, and now you’re shitting on a crazy actress with substance abuse problems who hits Floridan psychics?! Ugh, get off your Disney channel high horse you turd!

Music: Taylor Swift’s new album “Red” is instantly iconic

3 Nov

I stand corrected. This bitch is ON TOP. Image via justjared.com

Watch me eat every single bad word I have ever said about Taylor Swift. Her latest album Red is pretty much the best album I’ve heard in a very long time. Sure, she’s got a weird and crazy love life. But she knows how to make amazing records from it (and to be fair, every celebrity and human being has a fucked up love life).

The thing I’ve come to realize in liking Taylor Swift’s Red is that she is arguably the most talented person in pop music right now. Nuff said.

Red is an eclectic mix of alt rock, pop and a little bit of country. She channels U2, then Stevie Nicks, then maybe a little Regina Spektor, then Katy Perry. And the cool thing is that it never feels tired or contrived. It’s bold and honest and still really fun. It’s the album any pop star would kill to put out, because she drew inspiration across MANY genres but made it work like the baddest bitch ever. I want to close the doors to my room and do some soul-searching/dancing to this album, because that’s how good it is. I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s good, it’s just that I’m surprised that I love it so much already. This is her best album to date and I cannot stress how good this album is. Do yourself a favor and get it.

Here are some really noteworthy tracks, although to be honest the entire album is comprised of noteworthy tracks.

All Too Well

“All Too Well” is alleged to be about Jake Gyllenhaal, and holy shit. It cuts pretty deep. “Maybe we got lost in translation/ maybe I asked for too much/ but maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up” and “you call me up again just to break me like a promise/so casually cruel in the name of being honest/I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here/ because I remember it all too well.” Ok, girlfriend is fucking growing up, and I am fangirling the shit out of her 20 something love life songs like a new Spice Girls album release in the 90s. This song is amazing.

I Knew You Were Trouble

Um. Yeah. That’s Taylor Swift doing Katy Perry better than Katy Perry. This song is gonna be fucking HUGE. The melodies are spot on and remind me of late 90s/early 00s pop music. This song is baller af.

State of Grace

This is her U2 inspired song. And it totally fucking works.

Begin Again Live

This song is really sweet and reminds me of early Sheryl Crow for some reason.

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