Image via celeblowdown.com. What the fuck look is she going for here.
GO TO HER WEBSITE. WATCH AND LISTEN. WHO SAID THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? Oh, dear God. The
quiet, festering death crash and burn of this new Ashlee Simpson album is going to be insane. There’s a countdown on her website. Last time I checked, anyone my age who listened to Ashlee Simpson in the confusing days of high school does not ever listen to her anymore. Not even as a joke. This girl is so uncool that nobody would even be listening ironically (i hate that sentence, but you know it’s true).
EVIDENCE this will blow
She got caught lip-synching on SNL (which is the first thing that pops up on youtube after you type her name in), and by the way it is painful every time to watch. She used to have a reality tv show on MTV. She was married to and then divorced to Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy who hasn’t really done anything musically in yeeeears. She had a baybay. Two years ago, She was rumored to be working on a folk album. A FOLK ALBUM. A nose job, a short haircut. WHO IDENTIFIES WITH YOU. She seriously might be a sociopath. Think about it: if she was actually cool, then she’d know that she isn’t cool. The more you know.
Remember this little gem? She lip synced poorly too. And then she got impregnated by a Fall Out Boy and fell off the face of the earth. Beware. Image via ponore.com
Oh god. This may be one of the most embarrassing things EVER to witness. Has it ever happened to you? You’re dancing and singing along to your favorite song, and as someone’s sweat drops fling onto your sequined blouse to the beat of the song, you look over and see some asshole lip-syncing the wrong words and dancing out of rhythm to “I Gotta Feeling.” There are like 4 words in that song. “I gotta feeling” and “hooooo-hoo.” How could anyone fuck that up? Furthermore, why would you feign knowing words to the Black Eyed Peas?
This hasn’t happened to me in probably 2 weeks. But good god, the next time you’re out, give the crowd a good survey. I guarantee there is some guy stalking the crowd, trying to dance with the ladies who is incorrectly lip-syncing. Mouthing “watermelon” over and over and over. It’s maddening, upsetting and a huge pet peeve.
You know, it’s totally okay to not know the words to some songs. But it’s NOT okay, ESPECIALLY when on a date, to act like a basement, backwoods creep and fake your song knowledge. It looks desperate and psychotic. What’s next, murder? I don’t think so buddy. Not to this song.