Politik

Rich people complain about the poor at Romney fundraiser, absolutely nobody is shocked

 

“I don’t think the common person is getting it. Nobody understands why Obama is hurting them. My college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies — everybody who’s got the right to vote — they don’t understand what’s going on. I just think if you’re lower income — one, you’re not as educated; two, they don’t understand how it works, they don’t understand how the systems work, they don’t understand the impact.”

Bitch I don’t think YOU understand! Hilarious.

Romney’s Hamptons soiree: Madam Range Rover and “the nails ladies” – Salon.com.

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Politik

Politik: Obama healthcare is a GO!!!

Image via cia.gov

This is absolutely priceless. “Fuck universal healthcare, I’m moving to Canada!!” Gotta love sweet fucking morons, because they make your day brighter and remind you that at least you are not them.

People Who Say They’re Moving To Canada Because Of ObamaCare.

Poor Canada.

Healthcare in America, a fresh start

I’m not really ever noticeably proud of my country, because the US government does a lot of shady things to other countries and to their own citizens. But today, a small victory for the health of all of my compatriots.

I don’t understand anyone’s reasoning that doesn’t like universal healthcare. I have 3 jobs and no healthcare from any of them. I can’t even afford to pay for my own insurance under my parents insurance plan. Thanks to Obama and his extension of healthcare benefits to children until the age of 26, I have access to affordable birth control, regular check-ups and prescriptions for when I get sick.

Check out Obama’s thoughts on the Supreme Court’s decision here. 

How is this NOT a step in the right direction? I’m a responsible citizen, college educated and working. I (and you, and that girl down the street, and especially grandmas and grandpas everywhere) deserve to have affordable healthcare that isn’t connected to what job I’m doing where, or how many hours I’m working. I’m still a human being with a beating heart that some cute doctor should examine twice a year to see if I’m healthy, and help me out if I’m not healthy, affordably. Healthcare need not be elite.

Check this out to see the facts about Obama’s healthcare plan.

FUCK YEAH OBAMA. Thank you. I want to hug every single person in the country right now. Let’s try to take care of each other more and more. YAY!!!

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Politik

O Rly? Newt Gingrich is outta the race for the GOP

Image via businessinsider.com

Farewell, Newt! He’s officially out of the race to be our dear leader.

He liked the moon and hated everyone else. But to be honest, the moon shit woulda been awesome. But there are real problems earthbound my friend, that we must attend to first. Like energy, food and what to do with the Kardashians.

May you find solace in reruns of Parks and Recreation and takeout from Noodles & Company, like the rest of us.

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Politik

Politik: Ciao Santorum, you frothy son-of-a-bitch

Image via netwrok.us

Farewell Santy. You were a greatly written character during the Republican race for the White House: Back to White America. Much more memorable than all the other people I’ve already forgotten about. Wait, Gingrich was pretty cray cray. He’ll probably be back for Road Rules: Republican candidates get wild in Cabo San Lucas. I’d actually like to be on that show. Can you imagine the things that would be flying out of those mouths after 2 shots of Bacardi Razz? If only. Let’s remember the good times we had with Santorum, and then forget him forever.

The time when thinly-veiled white supremacists wrote a song about him.

When he said education was bad for people, because they learn things about the world and learning makes people un-Christian.

His last name and all the jokes that came with it!

Hating women. Ugh, GTFO Santy.

The time he said a child from rape is a gift from G.O.D.

Pretending he knows anything about the medical profession. Playing Operation doesn’t really give anyone the credentials to make serious medical decisions for millions of people, and neither does being a Christian or a politician, jerkface.

For a while, his campaign was afoot with death, sex and abortion, which made him look like a sick fetishist. That was fun I guess.

He thinks it’s wrong to have sex for pleasure. Why you just take our Netflix, chocolate and Chipotle burritos away from us too, asswipe!

Ciao, sucka. FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Yes. Image via thrashhits.com

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20 something, Activism, Politik

Pro-uterus crafts at Etsy. F you state rape and woman hating legislation!

Image via etsy

Oh my God. YES. With all this enraging abortion talk, the sparky gals over at etsy have made some amazing crafts centered around our most prized possessions: Our uteri. Amazing! Check out the best ones over at Jezebel.

Legislators Got You Down? Cheer Up With Uterus-centric Stuff from Etsy.

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Politik

A song for Santorum: Super frothy, super delicious

If the most vanilla human beings in the world made a video and song for Rick Santorum, this is what it would look like. All white people, a light brown person getting cut out of the shot and geeeeeetars. Goodie!

Is it just me, or do these girls remind anyone else of the pro-white all girl sister band that surfaced a few years back, Prussian Blue? Ok, so supporting Santorum is not quite as extreme as being a huge racist white supremacist  pop pre-teen duo. However, seeing white girls with guitars singing some bigot-y stuff always takes me back to Prussian Blue.

PS, don’t you hate when conservative Christian bigots try to wear feather earrings?! It’s against my very system of beliefs that if you ain’t chill, you can’t wear feather earrings. I think it’s pretty universal actually.

And PPS, you people are like 20. What the fuck do you know about life under Reagan?! You weren’t even a regrettable-future-fashion-faux-pas fetus yet!

Also, ‘we the people’ doesn’t only pertain to the conservative Christian right. ‘We the people’ means everyone. (Including the muslims, jews, blacks, whites, asians, latinos, gays, straights, trans, catholics, mormons, athiests, agnostics, purples, aliens, dead heads, KISS fanatics, little monsters, canadian immigrants, what have you. WE the people bitches, not just one of you is the people! Learn it, love it, and let’s figure out some things that work for all of us instead of endorsing turd skins Santorum. Pat Robertson would do a better job than frothy-froth Sant-y-orum. And THAT is fucking scary.)

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Politik, Ridiculous

Facebook political season Part 1: Kill me now

Image via kenny08.com

Oh great. In the eternal words of Mortal Kombat, “It has begun!”

Yet another season of “Why MY political candidate is the new Jesus and not yours.” Throw in a “Go America!” or a “Fuck America!” depending on intelligence.

I’m either gonna develop a drinking problem, get hooked on pills or delete my facebook account until November. It’s exhausting reading so many spelling and grammar mistakes and general flawed logic while ranting about the other side discussing politics on Facebook.

So, wonderful readers, tell your stupid friends to kindly “wake up, you turds. Politicians are liars. Choose the least evil one and get on with your life. No politician in the history of politics has EVER done every single thing they said they were going to do during their campaign.” Or at least think it in your head because talking to anyone on facebook these days is a huge drag.

Uh, can he be President? Image via politifake.org

If all our idiot facebook acquaintances we went to high school with could remember back to 6th grade social studies, they would know there’s these little things called the House of Representatives and the Senate. You know, as a way to SHARE POWER and not let just one person decide everything. Otherwise that would technically be a dictatorship. But they probably only think brown people who don’t speak English and don’t have Walmarts can live under dictatorships. Those silly kids fully developed adults!

Let’s get one thing straight: Times are tough. Well, tough-ish. Not being able to buy everything one wants all the time isn’t really considered tough by like, 90% of the world. No one politician short of God him/her/itself can solve all of our problems immediately. I think it’s forgotten that we have things like Congress set in place to do checks and balances. Those checks and balances take time, y’all.

We know who the democratic candidate is, Mr. Obama. Has a law degree, prior work experience, ok cool. But seriously, I could find a better set of republican candidates on the bottom of my shoe after a walk through a shitty park. That’s all they could come up with? There is no doubt in my mind that Obama will be re-elected. Santorum? Gingrich? Skin bags full of crazy. Romney? Rich asshole. Paul? Nice try, sweetheart.

Yup. THAT GUY wants to run our country, ladies. I don't fucking think so. Image via reverendbuki.wordpress.com

Nonetheless, it really makes me sad to see people putting all their faith behind any one candidate to be elected for President. Why? Let’s not divide this way, folks. It’s an old trick. Split the population, make us think we’re a “divided” nation, just to have either candidate do the same shit they always do. The entire republican vs. democrat shit is embarrassing for anyone older than 16 and not in high school government class. Honestly. It doesn’t do us any good.

We as people need to figure out what we want (remember that little thing called the constitution that says “We the People“?), not be told what we want by any candidate on any spot of the political spectrum. It’s not okay for politicians to tell US what to do. We tell THEM what to do, dammit. Let’s as a nation have a little bit of self respect for once.

Until we find ourselves united, there will be so so SO many facebook political gems just around the corner from every login. Happy FBP season, and please don’t kill yourself over all the stupidity. We need you.

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Politik

Read: Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter

A must read.

“Though he has no medical training, and no business commenting on the medical decisions that women and their doctors make, he argues that such tests shouldn’t be provided, or that employers at least should be allowed to opt out of paying for them on ‘moral grounds.'”

Yeah, what the hell is up with Santorum and his opinions on sex, women, abortions and medical issues he has absolutely no degree in? He has never studied medicine. A government leader should not bring these topics up as American issues based on solely their religious beliefs. Being a Christian (insert any belief system here) does not make you and your religious opinions better than knowing actual science. It’s all sorts of wrong. He’s supposed to run a government, not our uteruses nor our lives. Why do these fart faces get attention? Seriously! This is the best republicans could come up with?

Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter.

Obama is SO getting a second term if this is the turd he’s up against. WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND FOREIGN POLICIES, SANTORUM?! HMM? Are you the maler, more Christian, less gun-ny and more uterus-obsessed Sarah Palin? Quick, where’s Russia!!!! Seriously, all he talks about is uteruses and how much he hates the people around them and loves the fetuses inside them.

Fetus Fetish: The Rick Santorum Story.

Santorum, stay outta my sex life and uterus (this is a way disgusting sentence). Jesus!

What a freak moron.

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Celebrité, Politik, Television

Politik: 5 people I’d prefer over the Republican candidate nominees

So presidential. Photo via your-hairstyler.com

Khloe Kardashian 

Lamar Odom would be the sensitive, basketball-playing first man and Khloe’s soundbites would be absolutely hilarious. “China, honey, get it together.”

Probable political stances

  • Pro-photo shoot for everyday events including going to the mall, eating a taco and surfing the web
  • Reality shows for everyone!
  • More money for the arts and sports
  • Kim has to live in Guam. Forever.
Kristen Bell
Kristen Bell would be the awesomest president EVER.

She can sense when a sloth is near. Perfect candidate. Image via thefw.com

Probable political stances

  • Sloths everywhere
  • Hunger Games Day is celebrated every year
  • No more wars
  • Mandatory hugs at 4:00 pm and am every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
  • The Veronica Mars movie will finally be made

Ice and Coco, America’s first presidential couple. Image via celebritywonder.ugo.com

 Ice and Coco

Coco and Ice-T would be the PERFECT pair for the presidency. Ice would be the harder, tough love business side of politics, and Coco would have the tender heart and ass-pics to keep us all entertained.
Probable political stances
  • Law and Order SVU syndicate profits go to underdeveloped areas and at-risk kids in the US
  •  Coco teaches us all how to be sweeter and sexier
  • Strong, monogamous relationships are encouraged and warrant tax breaks
  • Licious online discounts for everyone
Anyone from Downton Abbey 
Can you imagine the drama they would have in the White House?! The Dowager Countess’ soundbites would totally be better than Khloe’s, Mary would sleep with and then kill all foreign adversaries, and Isobel would definitely give us all universal healthcare.
Probable political stances

Yesyesyesyes. Image via fanpop.com

  • Tea time
  • Anyone can marry their cousin if an inheritance is tied up with gender
  • Everyone must dress for dinner
  • Donald Trump and his new money cronies would be sent to Azkaban

Meat Cat from 30 Rock

Probable political stances

  • Cheesy blasters for school lunches
  • Sunglasses and skateboards required to be in public
  • Pants are “immoral”
  • Cats deemed higher class citizens

F me on Facebook + Twitter, baby.

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