I fucking love bath salts. Not for a weird high, but for my skin in the bathtub. Imma be pissed if crazy bitches who can’t just do the regular drugs ruin my bath experience by gettin’ this shit banned at stores. This may be one of them few few few times in my life where the sentence “Why can’t you just snort crack?” makes perfect and logical sense. Don’t snort bath salts y’all, just sprinkle them in your tub for smooth skin. Pick up a bottle of wine if you must. Trust me, it’s a lot nicer than snorting bath salts and eating a man’s face, and then being shot to death. Cheap wine ain’t that bad.
Next these turd munches will snort roasted beet salads and stolen truffle oil for their fix. Fuck that. Please don’t snort things I love.
“…We are in a national, and perhaps global, Guy Disaster Mode that needs to be noticed and solutions advanced to fix a totally novel phenomenon, which will only increase in intensity and breadth without the concerted efforts of educators, gamemakers, parents, guys and gals. It’s time to press play and get started reversing these trends.”
I’ve been looking for a good deodorant for as long as I can remember. What’s a sweaty bitch to do? I’ve tried them all! All the normal deodorants (Speedstick, Dove, etc.) smelled nice but sort of lacked any kind of drying method that deodorant is supposed to inhibit. Plus their use of aluminum chlorohydrate and aluminum zirconium worries me, because they are linked to Alzheimer’s disease and breast cancer, both of which are in my family. Scary stuff, seeing as deodorant is something everyone (except those darn hippies!) uses everyday.
I’ve also tried the organic-y and natural “just deodorant” kinds too. I have to say those did not go well either. I think “just deodorant” deodorant is for people who don’t actually sweat and wanna feel like everyone else, so they slab some organic paste on and feel grown up (jealz!). But for real, I smelled worse after wearing Tom‘s all day long than if I hadn’t worn anything at all. So did all of my friends who tried it. It is awful. If you sweat, do not buy Tom’s.
Cringingly, I got prescription deodorant in middle school that was a higher dose of aluminum chlorohydrate. It was itchy, I had to put it on overnight and wash it off in the morning. Kind of a task to not sweat as much. Plus with all the modern day worries about aluminum in deodorant causing cancer and a bunch of other ailments, it doesn’t seem worth it to stop sweating. (Wouldn’t it be great if we just let ourselves sweat! It’s engrained to be embarrassing, which is lame because it’s just like pooping. Everybody does it! Society and customs are such a drag sometimes.)
Down on my luck and about to concede that I was going to be a sweaty gal for the rest of my days, I ran across a last ditch effort: Crystal Body Deodorant. It was in the corner of the deodorant aisle looking a little neglected. I saw the pink breast cancer ribbon on it, and then the price because it was cheaper than regular deodorant. So I bought it, hoping it would at least be better than the Tom’s debacle.
What it is
It is a natural mineral salt. Really. Check it from the website:
“Crystal deodorants – the all-natural deodorant alternative to chemically laden commercial deodorants, are composed of mineral salts, which form a topical layer on the skin. While most deodorants mask odor with scents or fragrances, Crystal deodorants actually prevent body odor from beginning by creating a thin barrier above the skin so that bacteria cannot form. Available in both unscented and lightly scented versions, Crystal deodorants are hypoallergenic, non-sticky, non-staining, dry instantly and leave no white residue. Furthermore, Crystal deodorants contain no artificial coloring, chemicals, dyes or alcohol. They contain NO harmful aluminums, are not tested on animals, and are safe for the environment.”
I have never had a deodorant that has worked this well. Seriously. There is no sweat, and if there is it’s very little and not smelly like Tom’s makes you, even the unscented kind (I was disappointed about Tom’s). I have the Crystal roll-on and I love it. Check out their products here. I’ve been using it for about 3 weeks and it’s been amazing. It’s nice to know that there is a deodorant product out there that doesn’t feel like you’re rubbing future medical bills under your armpits. Definitely try it if you’re in the market for some new deodorant, or want to try something that doesn’t include aluminum chlorohydrate.