20 something, Technology

What’s up with all the engagements on Facebook?

I find this oddly endearing. It’s better than rose petals, that’s for damn sure. Image via unionversity.com

I swear there has been an increase in engagements on Facebook just in the past couple of weeks. Perhaps it’s due in part to the fact that summer may be halfway over, and happy enough couples are scrambling to fulfill their happy (!) quota for the season. Or maybe they need to book NOW to get a decent place for a summer wedding. What’s better than a fall and winter full of engagement photos, questions about napkin sizes and where to seat people you don’t really like!?

No. Image via perfect-wedding-day.com

I can handle an engagement here and there. Maybe once a month, but that may be pushing it. When it’s my actual life friends, I’m truly overjoyed. When it’s a parade of Pinterest addicts you met in high school math class and their boyfriends in middle management who jerk off to Hentai, my feelings take a different, less enthusiastic turn.

I’ve deduced some possible reasons for the influx of our acquaintance’s recent engagements:

  • Election year! They love the idea of getting married in front of their homosexual friends, because it’s always fun to do stuff other people can’t, much like rolling your tongue or weird finger tricks
  • Cute people are convinced they won’t find anyone better, or that their cuteness might run out (sunscreen and gym will fix that)
  • Settling for a guy/gal with a decent job. Not good, but decent, which is sadly relevant in today’s economy
  • Someone is pregnant with “traditional” parents (which really means the newlyweds are spineless hamfarts)
  • Shared mortgages are secretly an aphrodisiac
  • Splitting the cable bill, rent and AC sure beats paying for it by yourself

The divorce rate in this country is 50%, or something close to that. So, technically, that means that half of all these marriages are gonna end by one of the following:

  • Hidden tiny hand fetish
  • Gay
  • My Strange Addiction participant
  • An affair with a former Teen Mom
  • Online gambling/video game second life addict
  • Farts
  • An unhealthy obsession with fictional supporting characters of one season television series on the now defunct WB

There are just so many uncertainties in a world full of crap relationships and blood diamonds, that we’ll just have to let the swift hand of fate deal their cards. But you believe me this:¬†We can suck it up through the wedding photos, bachelorette parties and beef jerky dancefloors knowing that at the end of this dark tunnel, there is a light.¬†Divorces have to be entertaining, right?¬†Then we can REALLY watch some shit unfold on Facebook. Invest in your defriends wisely. ¬†One day, these newlyweds may make great divorc√©es. It could be their calling. Who wouldn’t want them to fulfill their destiny? Besides, There’s nothing better than a “new independent woman” with a Facebook status to update. I almost can’t wait.

Happy engagements!

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20 something, Social Butterfly

Social Butterfly: The Voicemail

Quit leaving voicemails, and stop wearing that hat. Image via ehow.com

Somewhere between the shift from phone calls to text messages died the use of the voicemail.

I admit, I am sometimes guilty of leaving a voicemail here and there. After all, they aren’t totally useless if you need to get some excitement or personality through in your message, that sometimes text messaging just can’t do.

However, I will never understand the type of person who leaves 6 voicemails that say the exact same thing, only changing the fake severity of each message as time goes on. “I need to talk to you, call me back.” “I¬†really¬†need to talk to you. Call. ME. BACK.” “I’m going to shave your eyebrows and make you eat them the next time I see you. CALL ME OR YOU and everyone you know will DIE.”

Voicemails can be confusing. When is it appropriate to leave a voicemail? Here are some situations that might help guide your next voicemail decision in this increasingly text-y world.

Voicemail Appropriate:

  • You got a new job and are REEEEEEEEAAAAALLY excited about it. Excited voicemails are always fun to listen to. Just no screaming right into the mic plz.
  • You just came up with the best comeback ever, and said it to your arch nemesis. You’re on a high from being so awesome, and you gotta share it with your BFF. Or your nemesis if you have their number, so they can relive the humiliation FOREVER.
  • There’s a deal on sun hats at Target.
  • You’re stoned, and you feel like explaining your homemade taco to your college roommate. Just like old times!
  • Somebody hit your car and ran. You’re pissed. Gotta let off steam. You’re saying “fuck” every other word and out of breath from yelling. You’re threatening everyone around you, even the baby in the stroller and the yippy dog barking at your from the comfort of it’s window perch. You’re totally gonna “kick somebody’s ass.” Empty threats are voicemail gold.

These, not so much:

That shit is creepy. Image via innogage.com

  • Breaking up with someone. Seriously? No. If this ever happened to you, thank the lord of the galactic universe that he/she did, because that shit is LAME and they need to erase themselves from your fabulous life like, yesterday.
  • The “just to chat” voicemail. It’s obvious you were calling to talk.¬†I’m not above it though. I totally do it. When I’m really bored on a long drive, I leave these sometimes to feel like I’m talking to someone so I don’t go nuts. Caffeine and driving equals PHONE CALLS TO CHAT. Chat chat chat. BAH!
  • Someone died. What a horrible message to leave!
  • Any kind of bad message, like “Hey just calling to let you know I broke your French Press and took a shit on your pillow. Have a nice day.” True story. Just kidding. Only the second half is true.
  • Calling someone to let them know they need to call you back. Yeah. That’s what that whole ‘missed calls’ section on your telephonular device is for, genius! (Mom’s are reeeeally guilty of this one. But we can forgive them. They are Moms, they get a free pass for almost everything. ALMOST!)
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20 something

Summer guide: Drinks

Image via lemondropkisses.tumblr.com

This is Part 2 of the 20poorandfabulous summer guide to a healthy, happy and fabulous summer! 

Summer Drinks

Ahhhh, the refreshing mist of a summer drink on your tongue. Hot coffees and heavy drinks have no business being in your summer drink repertoire. Here are some great summer drinks that will keep you hydrated or keep you fabulously buzzed.

Golf legend Arnold Palmer is a legend in my heart for his fabulous drink. Image via celebritiesfans.com

 Arnold Palmers

Arnold Palmer IS the definitive summer drink. Half iced tea, half lemonade, totally fucking cool. The big cans at the gas stations are ok for dire situations, but my favorite drink take on AP’s classic quencher is at Starbucks. The Tazo green tea and lemonade is my fucking summer jam. I dream about these drinks. I only let myself buy them once in a while or on a particularly sunny day (budgeting leaves for weird delicacies like Starbucks, cuz that shit ain’t cheap!).¬†The crisp and light taste of tea paired with the tartness of the lemonade is just beautiful.

Luckily Arnold Palmers are tres easy to make at home. Whip up some green tea and fresh lemonade (or buy lemonade at the store), mix and you’re ready to roll. You can also use any kind of drink mix paired with tea, like crystal light or kool-aid if you’re feeling nostalgic.

Mojitos

Mojitos are fucking great. Minty, lime-y and alcohol-y. This can’t possibly go wrong.

Recipe

  • 10 fresh mint leaves
  • 1/2 lime, cut into 4 wedges
  • 2 tablespoons white¬†sugar, or to taste
  • 1 cup ice cubes
  • 1 1/2 fluid ounces white rum
  • 1/2 cup club soda

Place mint leaves and 1 lime wedge into a sturdy glass. Use a muddler to crush the mint and lime to release the mint oils and lime juice. Add 2 more lime wedges and the sugar, and muddle again to release the lime juice. Do not strain the mixture. Fill the glass almost to the top with ice. Pour the rum over the ice, and fill the glass with carbonated water. Stir, taste, and add more sugar if desired. Garnish with the remaining lime wedge.

(Recipe courtesy of allrecipes.com)

Anything at the restaurant called Summer Punch

Just go with it. It’s probably fruity, filled with rum and hopefully a really good time.

Image via wishfulchef.com

 Sangria

Sangria is one of the best drinks ever. Wine, fruit and a whole bunch of fun. Plus, after you finish the drink, you get a healthy-ish snack at the end! And if anyone gives you the stink eye for eating the fruit, they can fuck off because that shit rocks.

Recipe

  • 1 Bottle of red wine (Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Rioja reds, Zinfandel, Shiraz)
  • 1 Lemon cut into wedges
  • 1 Orange cut into wedges
  • 2 Tbsp sugar
  • 1 Shot brandy
  • 2 Cups ginger ale or club soda
Pour wine in the pitcher and squeeze the juice wedges from the lemon and orange into the wine. Toss in the fruit wedges (leaving out seeds if possible) and add sugar and brandy. Chill overnight. Add ginger ale or club soda just before serving. If you’d like to serve right away, use chilled red wine and serve over lots of ice.

Anything frozen

Because it’s hot as fuck out and you gotta stay cool bitch.

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20 something, Beauty

Summer guide: Skincare

Image via plumdistrict.com

SUMMER!!! Hey!!! You’re here! We’ve fucking missed you. For real. Winter can be SUCH a bitch sometimes. She made me gain 5 pounds and my skin looks like shit. Whatever I’m over it. Let’s get drunk.

With our new friend summer back in our lives again like friendly faces from old DVDs of The O.C., we’ve got to remember what she has in store for us. Here is the first part of the 20poorandfabulous guide to beginning your summer healthily, happily and above all fabulously.

PART ONE: Skincare

Image via physiciansformula.com

It is OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE to take care of your skin. I don’t care how pretty you are, how young and supple your skin is, or even if you don’t care. You NEED to take care of your skin. Your future 40 year old self will buy you many cocktails in honor of your skin preserving foresight in your 20s. Find a moisturizer that has a hefty SPF 15 built right into the formula. When you moisturize each morning, you won’t even have to worry about the sun because it will already be put into your skincare routine.

Some makeups come with SPF too. I’ve used Physician Formula bronzer with SPF 50 built in. This is really nice, especially for your cheeks where sun hits and tends to damage the most.

Don’t forget your lips either! This can be an easy place to forget to put sunscreen. Maybe because lips are lippy and feel different that the rest of our skin. But sunburning them can be a fucking BITCH. I like regular Chapstick brand with SPF¬†30. Whatever you do, DO NOT buy Burts Bees lifeguard chapstick with SPF. Although it offers nice protection, it turns your lips white from the zinc and does not look cute.

With the weather getting warmer and clothes getting smaller, it’s important to keep the rest of your body in mind when it comes to skincare. The shoulders and chest area in particular are places you’ll want to keep moisturized with sunscreen. Spray can sunscreens can be cool and convenient, but keep in mind the environmental impact on the ozone layer that spray can ingredients destroy. I’ve used Vanicream SPF 30. The product is fragrance-free, lanolin-free, PABA-free, gluten-free, preservative-free¬†with no chemical additives,¬†cinnamates or benzophenones and is non-comodogenic. Awesome. It was designed at the Mayo Clinic to be ideal for people with sensitive skin. My only complaint is that it is a little stubborn to rub in. But really, I don’t need to be that fucking lazy. Spending an extra 15 seconds rubbing something on my skin ain’t no thang.

Lastly, remember to stay hydrated! Heat exhaustion is no joke. Plus, lots of water keeps you and your beautiful skin happy and healthy.

What’s the point of having great skin if you’re not having fun?! Part 2: Summer Drinks is coming up next where Arnold Palmer is crowned genius of the world.

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20 something

20 something: Freak outs and parents

Yeah, nobody knows what the fuck is going on here. Image via Google

It’s not an uncommon realization that being in one’s 20s is kind of fucking hell. Looming student loan payments. We need to find jobs that probably have nothing to do with our majors, because jobs in our majors barely exist anymore (thanks a lot, technical revolution!). The job market is scarce. Applications go out, maybe 50, maybe a 100 of them without so much as a “fuck you” in return as a response. We want to go out and forget about our troubles with our friends (drinking), but we don’t really have money to do so because of rent and a pesky thing called eating.

We’re all going through this right now. It’s life, it’s our reality. We have high highs and low lows. As we think about ourselves and where our individual futures are going, we must also be sympathetic to the paths of our friends and their complex yet relatable feelings and freak outs.

I make this face at least once a week. Image via esquire.com

Crying and screaming irrationally about our futures is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a really good release to get out all of your frustrations with jobs, relationships and social lives.

If it happens to you, hopefully there is a nice friend around or nearby a phone who can listen and help you talk things out. If it happens to a friend, remember to listen. Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in our own problems that we forget the complexities that our closest friends are living too. It’s so important to really listen to your friends. Sometimes all we need is to feel that someone is listening to us. Plus, maybe you’ll realize that your problems pale in comparison after hearing that a friend is pregnant/got fired/has AIDS/likes meth. Relativity bitches.

Parents

From talking to many of my friends, I’ve concluded that Will Smith was soooo right. Parents just don’t understand.

“Just get a job” is probably the most common thing said from parent to child during these rough economic and 20s-ish times. Even though mass layoffs after the crash in 2008 affecting many people of our parents age, and maybe even some of your parents, a disconnect os present in the dialogue concerning 20 something jobs and their futures.

Nobody is having a blast monetarily right now, except the 1 percenters (you jerkfaces!) and the people who think they’ll be the 1 percenters someday (idiots) but will instead be middle tier management 4 life (Ha!). Parents retirement funds that have been hit or dwindled, coupled with an unemployed child who is an educated adult is a heavy economic burden. It’s understandable that some parents, much like Hannah’s parents in HBO’s¬†Girls,¬†don’t want to fund their child’s 20s. They’ve worked hard and want to finally have some things to themselves. I mean, I want to travel the world when I hit retirement age, and maybe have a beach house or something dammit!

Being able to understand both our parents economic situation and their lives as individuals as well as our post-grad struggles in a country where job creation is a serious fucking problem is key to getting through this whole mess alive.

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20 something, Food

What to eat while waiting for payday: Lemon Vegetable Soup

Image via activefoodie at tastykitchen.com

We are just doomed to worship the dollar, aren’t we?!

If you find yourself with 5 dollars left in your bank account for a whole week until payday, then you are just like me. Thankfully I’ve already done my grocery shopping for the week, and unfortunately that means I have to eat at home EVERY DAY (chinese food just ain’t the same at home).

This week, I’ve made a delectable lemon vegetable soup, partly because it’s inexpensive to make and partly because I binged on carbs all weekend and can’t look at another piece of bread for at least another week.

Lemon Vegetable Soup

The real beauty of soup is that when making something like a garden-variety mix, you can change the ingredients up a bit to your liking. Democracy! Maybe.

I meandered using this recipe as a guide. If you don’t like onions, you can throw in potatoes, or if you really like peas feel free to have a pea party in that pot. Or, like me, you used what you had because it’s¬†allllllmost payday. (But I didn’t just have a shit ton of kale on hand, I’m not a freak)

Ingredients

Veggies are the new black. Image via eattheweeds.com

32 ounces of vegetable or chicken stock

3 whole carrots

1 onion

Two stalks of celery

1 green zucchini

1 yellow zucchini

1 tomato

Bunch of kale

1/2 teaspoon of oregano

1/2 teaspoon of thyme

salt, pepper and garlic to taste

1/4 cup of lemon juice, or one whole lemon squeezed

Steps

Pour the 32-ounce vegetable/chicken stock into a pot and place on medium heat.

Clean all of your vegetables. Begin chopping the carrots and onion into bite-sized pieces. Once the stock begins to simmer, turn the heat down to low and throw the onion and carrots into the pot. Let them simmer for 4-5 minutes.

While the carrots and onions are simmering, chop the zucchini, celery and tomato. Wash the kale and tear off the leaves from the stalk into bite-sized pieces.

Throw the celery, zucchini, oregano, thyme, garlic, salt and pepper into the pot and let simmer for 4-5 minutes. Then throw in the tomato and kale. The kale will need a minute or two to wilt into the pot and quit being so darn leafy. The tomato will get piece-y and that’s cool too.

Lastly, add the lemon juice and you’re basically finished. I like my vegetables to be softer in soup, so I let my pot simmer on the stove for about 10 minutes after I added the tomato and kale.

Also, all the ingredients are affordable. When making something of this size, it’s good to have tupperware and a strong will to eat the same meal a couple of times throughout the week. FUCK Yay budgets!

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20 something, Television

Television: Girls “Vagina Panic”

Image via HBO.com

Instead of living disgustingly bleak lives ourselves, we get a beautiful chance to live vicariously through other 20 somethings going through similar/worse problems that us. These are the days of Girls. (And we get to wait to find the new episodes on the internet, or a friend living with parents who have HBO! Exciting!)

It is going to take a while to get it out of our heads that this show is not fabulous-fabulous like Sex and the City was. Sure, they both share uncomfortable looking shoes, sex and relationships warbles, but unlike SATC it is not glamorized in the least.¬†Girls¬†is less high baller fashionista and more like “holy shit, I need to make rent/I’m unemployed/I’m thinking about doing softcore porn to pay my cell phone bill/Who’s free to take me to my abortion appointment?”

SPOILERS!

Episode 2 of¬†Girls¬†is just as bleak as the pilot. Jessa needs to get an abortion, but flakes because it’s either scary, she doesn’t care, or she can feel the impending miscarriage happening. White russians + boys who call their mom are apparently the new coat hanger. The boy she’s making out with is directed to her underpants when the aforementioned miscarriage luckily appears.

And to those who haven’t vaginas, let me tell you that they can indeed be panicky. The episode has a panicked feel that is unsettling, but vagina worries are no laughing matter, especially when one of those matters could turn into a¬†child.

While Jessa is buggin’ about abortion shit, her friends all wait at the abortion parlor (I’ve always wanted to call them that. They should serve ice cream there). Marnie is annoying because she hates her nice boyfriend and likes to be on time, while Hannah is having weird, plot-ty sex with her less-than-amazing sexual partner. Who, by the way, is the embodiment of the boyfriend or fuck-buddy of at least one of your girlfriends who could totally do better.

Lastly, Shoshanna, the chatty, perky one, reveals that she’s a virgin and shocks absolutely no one.

The episode, steeped with mediocre sex and abortion kerfuffles seemed like it ended an hour too soon. Maybe it’s a symptom of watching¬†Tiny Furniture¬†a couple of times, but I just expect to watch Lena Dunham for more than 30 minutes. I’m seriously considering not watching this show until I can watch all of them in one, amazing, Panera Bread-coma filled day.

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